The Tonight Show Starring Brodie Bruce (Volume 3)
by Orangeblossom Brambleburr
Summary: (Completed 01/02) Tonight's Guest: Dante Hicks, the man behind the rooftop hockey craze


Title: (Volume 3)  
Series: The Tonight Show Starring Brodie Bruce  
Fandom: Kevin Smith/View Askewniverse  
Author: Orangeblossom (formerly Lagamorph)  
Email: rice_al@yahoo.com  
Rating: PG  
Summary: Tonight's guest: Dante Hicks, the man who started the Rooftop Hockey craze  
Archiving: Ask first, Please  
Chapters: 1  
Status: Complete  
Year Completed: January 2002  
Disclaimer: It's Kevin's Askewniverse, I'm just playing in it (and hopefully not stepping in it...)  
Notes, Dedications & Thanks: This installment is dedicated to Indy, who had the idea for having Dante on, and who kept popping up with suggestions (she damn near wrote this one). 37! Also thanks to Mike, who came up with the "Rooftop Hockey Craze" idea, and for the "just and noble" stuff. He was talking about Buster's, but what the hey...  
  
More Notes: This is different; it's not a Jason Lee character. I had to decide if this was a Jason Lee series or an Askewniverse series; I've decided on the latter. If there's anyone you'd particularly like to see interviewed, please feel free to contact me. I have a few ideas, but I welcome new ones.  
  
  
  
The following is a partial transcript from the Tonight show.  
  
*FADE IN FROM COMMERCIAL*  
  
Brodie (seated at desk): Welcome back! Well, our original guest cancelled, so we've pulled in a sub; he's not supposed to be here today, but lets try and make him feel welcome anyway. Dante Hicks!  
  
(APPLAUSE)  
  
(Dante enters quietly, looking somewhat disconcerted. He shakes Brodie's hand before sitting down on the couch.)  
  
Brodie: Jesus, what smells like shoe polish? (He sniffs his hand) *BEEP*, that's a new twist.  
  
Dante: (looks embarrassed and wipes his hands on his jeans) Thanks for having me on. I never thought I'd be on the Tonight show, this is really...  
  
Brodie: (interrupting) Right. So tell us about yourself.  
  
Dante: Uh, I live in Red Bank and I work at the Quick Stop, and...  
  
Brodie: (interrupting) So, how did you start this rooftop hockey fad?  
  
Dante: Uh...yeah. Well, you see, I had to work on my day off, and I uh...I was having a kind of bad day...  
  
Brodie: (looking slightly bored) Yeah...  
  
Dante: Well, I mean, a girl I knew died, and then I found out my girlfriend went down on thirty-seven guys before me...  
  
Brodie: (interrupting) Thirty-SEVEN?!  
  
Dante: I know! She said I shouldn't freak out because it was just *BEEP* and she only slept with the guys she loved.  
  
Brodie: Did you bring her to the taping? She doesn't love *me*, right? Maybe...  
  
Dante: Don't. Just, don't. Anyway, I had to work so I was going to miss the game my friends and I had planned, so we just said *BEEP* it and closed the store and played on the roof. It was fun, and I guess it caught on. You should see some of the fouls, though, when you're on the roof.  
  
Brodie: Yeah, I've played once or twice myself, it's a hoot.  
  
Dante: Uh, yeah. Anyway, when people started playing, my friend Randall and I started the Red Bank Rooftop Hockey Association. And...I don't know, it was weird, its like all of a sudden there are chapters all over the place.  
  
Brodie: And yet you're still working at the Quick Stop?  
  
Dante: Well, its better than a lot of the jobs around here that I can get with my qualifications.  
  
Brodie: I guess that's true...I know a guy who has the worst job on the planet.  
  
Dante: (knowingly) Does it involve a lot of paper towels?  
  
Brodie: (looks at Dante in disgust) He works for the IRS, what the *BEEP* did you think I was talking about?  
  
Dante: Nevermind. *BEEP* Anyway, I'd rather work at the Quick Stop than at some *BEEP* mall.  
  
Brodie: Hey, the mall is a pure and noble place.  
  
Dante: Whatever.  
  
Brodie: What else can you tell us about Rooftop Hockey?  
  
Dante: Well, the most important thing is, before the game begins, you absolutely must have at least two dozen balls.  
  
Brodie: (opens his mouth to speak, pauses and reconsiders) Wouldn't it be easier to sell them at the Quick Stop? You could make bank.  
  
Dante: I've been talking to my boss, trying to get the Quick Stop to sell said balls, but so far, no luck.  
  
Brodie: (smirking) So you're saying Quick Stop management has no balls?  
  
Dante: Yeah. (thinks for a second). Wait, no.  
  
Brodie: Well anyway, thanks for being on, all that stuff. We've got more to come folks, we've got news anchor Grant Hicks up ahead, and we've got the new host of Truth Or Date, Gill Hicks...Hey, are you related to either of those guys?  
  
Dante: (both hands over his eyes he shakes his head in dismay)  
  
Brodie: Ok, man. Oh yeah, and tonight's musical guest is Russian sensation Olaf Oleeson. We'll be right back.  
  
*FADE TO COMMERCIAL* 


End file.
